


Change of Being

by viciouswishes



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-02
Updated: 2007-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 22:02:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3092342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viciouswishes/pseuds/viciouswishes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For sg_femslash's Weir mini ficathon, Elizabeth doesn't realize that her mind has changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Change of Being

**Author's Note:**

  * For [quasiradiant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/quasiradiant/gifts).



> Beta: spartacusjones  
> Setting: Post-S3 finale with some casting and general spoilers for S4

Elizabeth doesn't remember waking up. She's still on a morphine drip, groggy and unable to move much. Dr. Keller stood on one side of her talking, and Teyla held her hand. She remembers Teyla paging Sheppard, telling him that Elizabeth had woken up. "There was an accident," Teyla says. She squeezes Elizabeth's fingers. 

"Are we flying?" Elizabeth asks. She recalls Rodney and Zelenka talking about making the City fly like the Ancients used to. Did they do it? 

Teyla nods. "We are in space, Elizabeth. Rodney can fill you in the details later. Right now, I am so thankful you are awake." 

Keller clears her throat. "Dr. Weir, there's something you need to know. You had a bad fall, and your injuries were rather severe. We did everything we could, but your spine suffered most of the damage. I'm afraid that you might never walk again." 

While Dr. Keller continues to talk, Elizabeth stops listening. She knows that she should care about this. She knows that she should listen or try to wiggle her toes or something, anything. 

***** 

Elizabeth's waging a war to get herself released from the infirmary. She already knows too much about which scientists or soldiers the doctors and nurses are dating. Elizabeth is adjusting. They're lost in space; she's possible in a wheelchair for the rest of her life; she's still commander of Atlantis. She can do this, one day at a time. 

Today, she's moved off the heavy pain medicine. Today, Nurse Bellows teaches her how to use a catheter. Elizabeth's thankful that there's a possibility she won't have to use it regularly. She's incredibly lucky that her injuries weren't any more severe. Today, she sat up, put on makeup, combed her hair, and took an hour nap because of it. She feels the slight scar near her ear from the glass. 

When Teyla visits her for a late lunch (and a briefing on how the City is doing), they pull the privacy curtain on window in the small room Elizabeth's been moved into. It's the first time they've been truly alone since the accident. They've been together for over a year now, but Elizabeth still finds herself nervous, nervous until Teyla leans over and kisses her. "I have missed that," Teyla says when she pulls back. 

Elizabeth smiles. "Me too. So tell me about the City." 

"Radek believes that the shield will hold..." 

***** 

The first time Elizabeth tried to stand, she fell flat on her face, or she would've if Dr. Todorov hadn't caught her. He's a large man with a strong torso and hands that can mold and bend his physical therapy patients. 

Elizabeth tells her legs to move, but they don't. "You're just trying to balance, Elizabeth," Todorov reminds her. "You must find your center first." 

Find her center. Elizabeth can do this. She's made warring communities sit down together and she's made devil's deals with the Wraith. She's going to be damned if she can't stand. But she's shaking and sweating; her hands are a death-grip on Todorov's lab coat. "Help me into my chair," she says, swallowing her pride. She was what, up only for seconds. 

"Tomorrow is another day," Todorov says. "And tonight, I hear that Dr. Keller is letting you out for dinner. What a luxury as some of us have the night shift. Last week, I had burned botanists." 

They haven't made contact with anyone since they found themselves in space. Elizabeth had already ordered the botanists to start growing a sustainable harvest for next season and to stop working on their hybrids. But even now, people have faith. Keller has faith that Elizabeth will regain some mobility in her legs. Rodney has faith he'll bring them back to the Pegasus Galaxy and be able to contact Earth. Elizabeth just isn't sure what she has faith in anymore. 

***** 

After over two months of living in the infirmary, Elizabeth's finally been okayed to spend her nights in her quarters. She's barely seen Teyla for a week or so, but she has a sneaking suspicion that someone's planning her a party. Or perhaps just a quiet homecoming. 

"Was I not to meet you at 1000 hours?" Teyla asks when she enters the room and Elizabeth is in her chair with a small bag of her belongs on her lap. "I am lucky that you do not leave without me." 

"Anxious." Elizabeth tilts her head upward when Teyla kisses her. Tonight, they will be completely alone, and first thing tomorrow, she'll officially take back her command and give a speech on the floor of the Gate room. A speech she had written over two weeks ago when she insisted that she could take care of herself. Keller only let her go when she found out that Teyla had been slowly moving her things in Elizabeth's quarters. It was, no doubt, the hottest gossip on Atlantis. So far, Rodney had been the only one to ask them in one of their many meetings. 

She allows Teyla to push her down the hallways of Atlantis to the nearest transporter station. And she feels like she can finally breathe when they make it to her quarters. "Home sweet, home. Teyla?" 

"Yes?" 

"Kiss me." Elizabeth reaches for Teyla's hand and pulls her downward. Her hands touches Teyla's face, lips parting for her tongue. But Teyla soon pulls back. "Is something wrong?" 

"There is something you need to know, Elizabeth." Teyla takes several steps backward. "I am pregnant." 

"Oh." Elizabeth blinks. "Oh," she says again as she realizes the consequences of the words. Teyla has already left her. She has found someone else, a male someone, who can no doubt walk and shower without assistance. "Who is he?" At least if she knows then she'll understand. There are plenty of handsome or brilliant men on Atlantis who would be lucky to have Teyla. 

Teyla frowns. "You do not understand. I seek forgiveness from you. I am not leaving you. That is if you will have me." She always looks so proud and now she almost looks shameful. "I am sorry that I did not tell you sooner, Elizabeth. But I was worried about your state. I am also sorry to tell you this when we should be celebrating, but I am beginning to show." 

"And here I thought you were just looking for a warmer wardrobe." Elizabeth feels the sting of tears behind her eyes. "I need to think. But I also need you here with me." She doesn't say, I need you to help me get to the toilet and undress me. "How far along are you?" 

"Almost three months." 

Elizabeth moves herself close to Teyla and places her hand on her stomach. "Barely a bump." Touching Teyla feels right. She knows that Teyla's eyes are as wet as hers. "Come." 

They sit across from each other: Elizabeth in her chair and Teyla on her couch. "I do not know if you ever wanted children, but where I grew up, each and every life was treasured. The Wraith came far too often. I must admit that when Dr. Biro described to me my options, I was shocked. Mothers on your world are very lucky. If you ask me who this baby's father is, my answer is you, Elizabeth. Because you are the one that I have chosen. I cannot say that I made a mistake the night my child was conceived. I did, however, betray your trust." 

"You've practiced this." 

"I did." Teyla reaches out and takes both of Elizabeth's hands into her. "When you were injured, no one was sure you were going to live. I was so scared. I reached out for comfort and betrayed you. Then I sat by your bedside, waiting for you to wake up. I want this-- us." 

Elizabeth looks down at her feet. She never considered having children. No, she'd thought about it, but never considered it for her. She always assumed she'd be the strange aunt to the children of her friends and cousins. "I need to know who the biological father is. I'm not going to be able to look forward until I know." She feels a heaviness in her chest, like the one she felt when she found out that her first girlfriend had left her for the lead singer of a local all-female garage band or when Simon told her that there was someone else. 

"He did not know we were together," Teyla says. "It was John." 

"John Sheppard?" Elizabeth asks as Teyla nods her head. She'd always guessed that there was an unrequited attraction between John and Teyla. The way he'd looked at Teyla when he brought all the Athosians to Atlantis and how he instantly trusted her. Of course, Elizabeth knows exactly why now; but four years has taught her a lot about Teyla. "Does he know?" 

"No. But I imagine that he will soon." 

"I need to think." Elizabeth is tired. She's more than tired. It's too much information. There's been too much excitement. "And I'm tired. Will you help me into bed?" 

"Of course." 

***** 

John finds out that Teyla is pregnant in a command meeting, and Elizabeth derives some sadistic glee that he doesn't get a private reaction. And that he jumps a little when Ronon threatens to kill whomever touched Teyla, then immediately makes an exception for Elizabeth. No one tries to pretend that she and Teyla aren't living together as a couple anymore. 

"Violence is perhaps an overreaction, Ronon," Elizabeth says. "Teyla's an adult. What we need to consider is how her pregnancy and maternity leave will affect how Atlantis runs." She prides herself on remaining calm, on not reaching over to strangle John. Now is not to the time to entertain vindictive fantasies. 

"Who's the sperm donor?" Rodney asks, before hastily adding a "congratulations." 

Teyla's incredibly calm. "Elizabeth is my chosen partner and that makes her the parent of my child." 

"You know, I bet there's an Ancient device that would do that for you?" Rodney offers. 

John clears his throat. "Congratulations, Teyla. At some point, we need to talk about how much leave you'll need from the team." 

No one says that's assuming they find new worlds in the seemingly endless space between galaxies. 

Elizabeth chuckles. She's always amazed just how cool John can be, and how she almost cannot stay mad at him. 

***** 

Elizabeth's arms ache. She's been up and down the ramp that leads to the Gate room at least six times, to her office and back a dozen more, and one to the infirmary for her physical therapy. They'd discovered what looked to be an abandoned Ancient outpost, and Rodney had hoped to regain control of it. Or at least, it's subspace communication relay. Instead, they'd discovered an amoeboid life form that had turned the outpost into its home. Rodney and Dr. Sharp had been trapped in one of the labs; Ronon and John were almost jettisoned into space by Ancient fail safes; Teyla and Cadman had found some way to communicate with the creature. When they made it back, Elizabeth practically had to hold the other scientists who wanted to investigate back by the collars of their shirts. 

Not to mention, even Chuck's looking stressed at the prospect of extended traveling in unknown space searching for something familiar. She needs to remind Rodney and Zelenka not to talk quite as loudly about the prospects of reaching Earth so loudly. 

"You're not going on any more missions," Elizabeth says when they're finally alone for rest of the evening. 

Teyla raises her eyebrow and eats more of her salad. "John and I were planning on talking about that very subject tomorrow morning." 

"Haven't you done enough talking?" Elizabeth looks down at her food. "I'm sorry, Teyla. You've apologized and I know there's nothing between you. It was a snide comment to make." 

Teyla places her hand over Elizabeth's. "It is alright. You are too hard on yourself. I know that this is a difficult time for all of us, especially you. I wish that I had not had to burden you with that information." She smiles. "I am sure that John will not make any future advances after Ronon's multiple threats." 

Elizabeth chuckles. Maybe, just maybe things were going to be okay between them. She was slowly getting used to her chair, and then she could start freaking out about becoming a parent. Elizabeth wasn't sure if the universe was ready for her as a mother. 

***** 

Today marks a month of Elizabeth being able to shower on her own without assistance from Teyla. She spends an extra long time under the heat and steam. She uses the special strawberry shampoo that Teyla managed to wrangle from Atlantis' luxury goods black market. Normally, they have military issue stuff, which the bottle says smells like spring but reminds Elizabeth of cheap men's cologne. 

Elizabeth decides that even if she's not using her legs for walking, except in Torodov's physical therapy sessions where it's more like lunging than walking, that she's going to shave them. Her hair's thick, dark, and long, and it'll probably be a waste of blades. To bend down and shave her ankles takes forever and getting around the parts of her chair for the backs of her legs is almost impossible. She's much more content for a quick shave around her knees. 

Elizabeth remembers being a little girl -- barely in the fourth grade -- and her mother scolding her for shaving her legs. She chuckles and runs her hands down her smooth legs. Elizabeth never considered herself one for the trappings of femininity, but there was something about that slick feeling. She feels a little more like herself and a little turned on. Her hand goes between her legs as she relaxes and fingers her clit. She comes as the water continues to rush all around her. 

By the time Elizabeth finishes wrangling with her soft sweats, she's shivering and wanting a hot cup of tea. Done just in time to hear Teyla enter their quarters and start rummaging around. 

Teyla's stomach is no longer easy to hide, and Elizabeth feels like when Teyla is standing next to her, all she can see is a growing baby. She's noticed that Teyla's spending more and more time in their quarters and a few minutes each night complaining about the various scientists and soldiers that want to touch her stomach. Apparently, Rodney felt the baby move. 

Elizabeth tosses the wet towel toward the hamper and pulls her hair back into a ponytail. It's getting way too long. "So I take it that you'd rather eat here?" 

"Yes," Teyla answers as she unloads what looks to be lasagna from her bag and several slices of bread. She looks tired and big. "My feet itched all day. It was rather unnerving. Dr. Biro gave me every kind of lotion she could find. Now I know why my mother complained so when she was carrying my youngest brother. My father would massage them for her with a coat of sap from a local tree. Sometimes, I think I would prefer vomiting over itchy feet." 

"If you'd like, we can try some of Biro's lotions," Elizabeth says. 

"I would like that." 

And after dinner, Teyla seats herself on their couch with her feet on Elizabeth's lap. Teyla's humming a song with a familiar melody, her hands on her stomach. Elizabeth works over Teyla's feet with different mixes from the bottles. She finds herself thinking of where they'll put the crib, of how much of a role John will play in the child's life, of how they're going to have to come up with some Lamaze courses for Teyla, of how she's ever going to find the energy to keep up with a small child. She swallows and starts on Teyla's other foot. "Have you thought of names?" Elizabeth asks. 

"For a girl, I was thinking of naming her after Charin. But I am not sure about a boy's name. I was considering naming him after my father." 

Elizabeth pours more peppermint-smelling cream on her hand. "I'm fond of James. It was my father's name." 

"James." Teyla smiles. "I like it too." 

***** 

Word's already made it all over the station that, finally, they've found an Ancient outpost with working equipment. Elizabeth celebrates by discovering the changed landscape of Teyla's body -- of both their bodies. It has been since before the accident that Elizabeth has had sex. Neither of them have felt like it and their relationship hadn't healed to that point. 

Elizabeth lays beside Teyla hands running over her breast and stomach. Elizabeth can't believe that Teyla has another month and a half to go before she's due. She could never imagine herself this pregnant with her navel protruding outwards and feeling another human moving inside of her. 

"I have missed this," Teyla says. She cups Elizabeth's face in her hands and kisses her, a long, slow kiss that leaves Elizabeth breathless and horny. Elizabeth lets herself relax and she lets her partner touch her. 

***** 

Teyla goes into labor the day they make it back to the Pegasus Galaxy; the day that Elizabeth sits behind her desk talking with General Landry and Richard Woolsey about what's happened and seeing them both stare too long at the shape of her wheelchair; and on the day John almost crashes a damaged puddle jumper on the Gateroom floor. Elizabeth has to cut off Rodney from explaining how the jumper malfunctioned when Teyla's water breaks all over Chuck's borrowed chair. 

"Elizabeth, I believe it is time" is all Teyla says. John has a look on his face like he might pick up Teyla and rush her to the infirmary. Lately, it's been hard for Elizabeth to remember that today, John will also be a parent. Teyla grasps Elizabeth's hand as they make their way to the transporter. 

"So I guess I'll let you know what's going on with the jumper later," Rodney says. 

Elizabeth reminds herself that now the most important thing is Teyla. She can stress over Landry and Woolsey later. Right now, she's going to hold Teyla's hand and watch as their child is born. Dr. Biro monitors Teyla's vitals and takes measurements of how much she's dilated and how far apart her contractions are. Elizabeth feels an overwhelming need to protect Teyla as Teyla cries out when the contractions hit her though she's not sure who she's protecting Teyla from. This feeling's only enhanced when Teyla agrees to an epidural. Elizabeth is amused and surprised considering when Biro mentioned it before, Teyla replied that women everywhere had delivered children without the aid of drugs for many millennia. 

Teyla's delivery is quick and soon enough, Elizabeth is hearing her baby's -- her son's -- first cries and Biro is asking her to cut the umbilical cord. Elizabeth declines; she never did well with blood or organs and surmises that the only reason she doesn't feel nauseous is adrenaline. Instead, John cuts it. Elizabeth had completely forgotten that he stood on Teyla's other side, well out of the way of the nurses and Biro. John, who almost hid from her for a month -- an impressive feat -- and who had already agreed that Elizabeth and Teyla were going to raise the child, smiles when Biro wraps the newborn and hands him to Elizabeth. 

Elizabeth stares at the face of her son. His eyes are serious and compassionate like Teyla's and his chin is definitely John's. His full head of spiky dark hair could've only come from one place. Elizabeth touches his little wrinkled cheek. "Hello, James," Elizabeth says. "We've been waiting for you for a long time." 

"You decided on a name already?" John asks. 

"Of course," Elizabeth answers as she hands James to Teyla. 

"We have decided on a lot together." Teyla grins. The pain on her face completely erased. "Now, John, if you will excuse us, I have a son to feed." 

***** 

Elizabeth has tears in her eyes when James starts crying for his 3 a.m. feeding. She could pretend to be asleep but Teyla's too quick at rising. "What's wrong, Elizabeth?" she says, touching Elizabeth's arm before moving toward the bassinet. 

"It's Landry and the IOA," Elizabeth says. She wipes the tears from her eyes and pulls herself up to a sitting position. "They want to put someone else here to run Atlantis. I did it. When I gave the order to launch us into space, I lost Atlantis. Apparently, they expected us to fight back." 

"We would have died." 

Elizabeth shakes her head. "They've never understood. But I'll never get off easy when I disobey orders because I'm an outsider. Sometimes, I think they sent me here because they expected us to come back." 

"Elizabeth, your government would not have sent if you were not qualified." 

"They've tried to fire me at least twice. And this time, it's sticking. I'm being sent back to Earth." 

Teyla frowns. "Do they not care that you have family here? Friends here? A life beyond running this City?" 

"I don't know. But I know they're not thrilled about my relationship with you. If I was a man, they wouldn't care. They'd probably pat me on the back for having a healthy son. Maybe promote me." Elizabeth takes a deep breath. "Part of me thinks that they want someone who can still stand up straight." 

Teyla and Elizabeth sit in silence as James nurses. 

***** 

"I know you're not happy about this transfer, Dr. Weir," Colonel Carter says, "but I think it'll be very beneficial to Atlantis. It'll be something of a fresh start. For all of us." 

Elizabeth's already tired of Carter and her can-do attitude. Rodney and Carter were already fighting about Carter's plans to overhaul all the science departments, and John and her have been going round and round about tactical deployments. Even Keller looked a little fazed when Carter mentioned that she was late with her staff evaluations. Plus, Carter's steps are too long and Elizabeth feels like she's trailing after someone who's running. 

Teyla and Elizabeth already packed up Elizabeth's office before Carter arrived. Elizabeth had gotten drunk on expensive wine and Teyla only frowned, a little. 

So Elizabeth listens as Carter picks over schedules, resumes, command reports, mission reports, and even how the blue JELL-O doesn't taste right. She clutches the small stone that Teyla gave her and tries to find some inner calm. She reminds herself that at least she's staying, that at least she's going to be in the same galaxy as her family. This doesn't stop her from feeling discarded. 

***** 

Epilogue 

Carter wants to get everything perfect before Teyla, Elizabeth, and James leave Atlantis. Elizabeth knows that it's just a vacation to visit Teyla's people on their new homeworld, but she can't help knowing that when she comes back, everything will have changed. 

"Time's up," Elizabeth says and makes her way to the Gateroom where Teyla's meeting her. A few Marines are accompanying them to carry their extra supplies. Elizabeth longs to walk through the Gate with a pack on her back, just how she first entered Atlantis. 

"Are you ready?" Teyla asks. James gurgles from the sling across Teyla's front. 

"It's a brave new world." Elizabeth looks up at Chuck and the rest of the Gateroom staff and then to Teyla and James before heading with them toward their new life.


End file.
